Wedding Bells

Every Bride Dreams of a Tuesday Wedding

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Last weekend I was at my best friend's wedding. It was a fabulous time full of love, laughs, and celebration.

On the three-hour drive home, I started reminiscing about everything that went into planning my own big day.

Looking back, I truly question how my husband, Tom, and I got through it. The amount of time, energy, and focus is mind-boggling.

If you're like me, Type A and a crafter, you are extremely involved in wedding planning and coordination down to the most minute detail.

This level of detailed engagement changes your life, because you're essentially working a full-time job on top of your full-time job.

The Plan

Originally, my husband and I were going to get married on 10/10/2020. What a vanity date. We had the venue, the hotels, and the transportation all sorted out.

Then March 2020 arrived, and it became pretty clear that hosting a 150-person wedding, one that included some elderly and immunocompromised relatives, probably wasn't the best idea.

So, we had some choices to make.

Do we postpone now, or wait it out? 

What if we wait and October still isn’t safe for our immunocompromised attendees?

Those were the obvious questions that came to mind, but neither was the question that encapsulated the heart of the issue we were trying to solve.

The questions you initially ask and the options directly in front of you are rarely at the root of what you want.

The real question was simpler and harder all at the same time: would we be happy if some of our people couldn't be there?

The answer was a resounding no, so we made the call to immediately postpone our wedding. We didn't want to end up at a venue where we could contractually still have the wedding, but our most vulnerable guests couldn't safely attend.

Our venue wanted us to stay the course and see what happened, but I wasn’t about to pay the second installment without a definitive agreement to move the date to 2021 where we felt more confident the implications of COVID-19 would be under control. On a phone call, our venue offered the following:

"If you move the date to 2021, you can have your wedding Monday through Thursday."

Let me tell you, it’s every bride’s dream to get married on a Tuesday. 

My husband’s takeaway was,

“We can just get married on Thanksgiving; that’s a Thursday.”

Thankfully, I'd bought event insurance, so our deposit was reimbursed and we walked away.

Reflect

Just like that, we were back to square one.

I scoured the internet, and my mom and I ran a three-day marathon of venue visits. By the last one of the third day, I was so tired I almost canceled. Funny how things work out, because that venue turned out to be a resounding yes on every single thing we cared about.

Before we booked it, Tom and I made ourselves actually reflect on what mattered most. The first time around, we'd said yes to a beautiful venue without thinking hard about the guest experience. This time we knew better. The shuttle and coordinating hotels had made logistics chaotic and stressful for everyone. Our new top priority was simple: a place where all of our people could stay together.

Adapt

We ended up choosing the Colonial Hotel in Gardner, MA, and honestly, it was even better than our first venue.

Everyone could stay on-site, which meant no shuttles and no drinking and driving. The logistics were easy. The afterparty was about 150 feet from the ballroom. The ballroom itself was big enough for all our guests and had a huge dance floor, with a separate space for cocktail hour. And best of all, in case of rain, there was a really solid backup plan for a full indoor aisle that would look like we'd planned it that way all along.

Repeat

Can you tell where this is going?

Our wedding day was bookended by beautiful, sunny, 60-degree weather, with a calm breeze that would occasionally whisk a few orange and purple leaves off the trees. But in the middle, it absolutely poured. From midnight to midnight, there were no breaks from the rain, and not one glimpse of sun.

And you know what? It was awesome. No one even knew we'd planned to get married outside, and we got some really cool pictures in the rain under an umbrella. 

Here's the best part. Since our new date landed on 10/30/2021, we decided to lean all the way in.

We closed out the formal reception with Michael Jackson's "Thriller." We strongly encouraged costumes for the afterparty, and let me tell you, people understood the assignment.

To cap it off, I spent the next night dressed as a bride, handing out Halloween candy. How many brides can say they got to wear their wedding dress more than once?

The date we never meant to choose became the wedding we could never have dreamed of.

The Takeaway

Nothing about our wedding went the way we first planned it. Not the date, not the venue, not the weather. But every time the plan fell apart, we did the same three things.

We paused.

We got clear on what actually mattered, which was our people.

And we adapted.

Then the plan fell apart again, and we ran the same three steps again. Three times in a year and a half.

It isn't reflect and adapt once and you're done. It's Reflect. Adapt. Repeat.

Now, your fallen-through plan probably isn't a wedding. Maybe it's a job that disappeared from under you, a relationship that ended, a move you didn't see coming, or a five-year plan that quietly stopped making sense.

I get it.

When something has to change it can feel like a punch to the gut. The pattern to figure out how to move forward is the same whether you're rebooking a venue or rebuilding a whole chapter. You pause, you get honest about what actually matters, and you adapt from there.

When a plan falls apart, resist the urge to just pick between the options in front of you. Ask what you're actually trying to protect and build the next step around that. More often than you'd think, you end up somewhere better than you ever planned.

Quiet Rise Is Here to Support You

If you're standing in the middle of a plan that just fell apart, you don't have to figure out the reflecting and adapting alone.

If you'd like a thinking partner for your next transition, someone in your corner to help you figure out that next step, book a free discovery call.

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Clarity doesn't come from doing more.

It comes from understanding what actually needs to change.

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A note on visuals

Some visuals are created using AI to reflect the ideas and experiences shared, rather than a specific moment.

Disclaimer

This content is based on personal experience and is intended for reflection and informational purposes only. It is not a substitute for medical, mental health, financial, or legal advice.